1. Zuckerberg Blues: Facebook is blue because Mark Zuckerberg is Red/Green colorblind. So if I ever find myself in a lawsuit against him, I’ll make sure all of my litigation documents are in red and green ink. Me: 1, Zuckerberg: 0.
2. Happiness is contagious (in a bad way): Ah, nothing brings out the inner Hulk in someone like finding out a peer on Facebook just got that position at Google that you were hunting for. A recent study from Stanford University determined that generally, happy phrases like “LIFE IS AWESOME!!!!!” or “I got the job and youuu didn’t” incites envy anger to those who stumble upon them.
3. Condoms ‘R Us: How would you feel if you received a Facebook message from your unborn child? A recent condom company took their promotions to the next level by sending prospective customers a message from their “unborn child.” Do the right thing; use protection.
4. “Zuckerberg, you have the right to remain silent“: If Zuckerberg ever lays a toe in Pakistan, he would be arrested immediately. This is due to a “Draw Muhammad” contest he created on Facebook. Good thing he learned his lesson and didn’t create a “Draw Zeus,” or he’d have 300 angry Spartans on his back.
5. You’re sick, you need help: Psychiatrists have recently made an actual diagnosis out of Facebook addiction. At the rate Facebook is growing, FAD (Facebook Addiction Disorder) is probably one of the leading disorders in the history of mankind. Check out the symptoms here to see if you need a session with the shrink.
6. They Really Do Look (college admissions): Yet another way for parents to get on their kids about Facebook: “a recent survey of 500 top colleges found that at least 10% of [college] admission officers acknowledged looking at social networking sites such as Facebook to evaluate applicants. Thirty-eight percent of admissions officers said that what they saw negatively affected the applicant.” Darn it, I guess I should take down my Mardi Gras pictures…
7. Facebook, Esq: In 2011, nearly 1/3 of all divorce filings contained the word “Facebook” somewhere within the documents. Because nothing says “Divorce” like a “Poke” from your cousin.
8. Facebook, aka Hitch: A woman created a Facebook group titled, “I need sex,” and within 10 minutes the group already had 35 members. In no time at all the group soon had nearly 200 members, of whom the woman undoubtedly eventually slept with. Unfortunately for George Costanza, Facebook has since deleted her page.
9. Ever want to stalk “The Zuck”: Adding the number 4 to the end of the Facebook URL will redirect you to Mark Zuckerberg’s wall. Or just clicking here does the same thing.
10. Hey buddy, want to make some cash: If you’re a Computer Science major looking for a job (all 3 of you jobless ones) Facebook pays $500 to anyone who can hack it. There are a few rules though:
- One cannot disclose personal information about others
- One must give Facebook 24 hours in good faith to fix the issue before going public with the bug.
- Only one bounty per security bug is given.
12. You can change your language to “Pirate”: You heard right, now all yer Mateys can join ya fer a pint of rum, that is if it’s not all gone.
- Go into “Account” –> “Languages” –> “English (Pirate)“
13. 83% of prostitutes have Facebook pages: Make sure you read that one correctly. I said “83% of prostitutes have Facebook pages,” not “83% of Facebook pages are prostitutes.” Otherwise, I’d have to delete 450 of my friends.
14. Facebook separation of 3.74 people: In a study done by Facebook data scientist Lars Backstrom determined that everyone on Facebook is connected by 3.74 people. That means one of my friend’s friend’s friend’s .74 friend knows Rachel McAdams. I think I’ll ask her out.